Where to put this sadness?

I am at a loss to describe how yesterday's fire on Queen West is making me feel...

We were driving home from the cottage, on the way to the Radiant Dark opening, blissfully unaware that the event had already been cancelled as the entire block was on FIRE...Made a chance phone call, whereupon Andrée hesitantly informed us about the fire, and then we quickly killed the ipod and turned to CBC. ...Disbelief followed, with a flurry of emotion-filled questions: My god, was anyone hurt?(no, but many without homes and jobs today) is the Burroughes building--a gorgeous and very old 6 story warehouse-- safe?(yes) Will there be smoke/water damage to the pieces in the show? (unbelievably no) What will Shawn and Julie do-- they have put so much effort into this show for the last few months?! (put on a brave face, carry on as best as possible, and collect donations for the fire victims) What will happen to this unique and iconic stretch of Queen Street? (too soon to say) Will some one swoop in and turn it into a mall or ugly condo? (entirely possible) Will the Radiant Dark show be cancelled completely? (no, it opened tonight instead)

As I walked down Queen today, on my way to help set up for the opening, I passed along the north side of the street, which is all fenced off as fire and demolition crews continue to clear away and extinguish smoldering debris. I passed at least 50 people, all standing looking worriedly into the devastation. Some with cameras, some without, and a few with that half-hidden, morbidly excited look people get when they come face to face with some one else's disaster. People came and went all day long. I would say hundreds of people came to the site today. I could see them from the 3rd floor window of the Burroughes building, where I spent my day.

I wondered if like me, they were wondering why they felt so grieved by the sudden loss of this stretch of our city. I can't really explain it--I do spend a lot of time in this area, but I live and work quite a few blocks in either direction. Yet, I do feel as though a vital part of the city-- my city-- has died. As Andrée put it: watching the news today, we recognize many of the people being interviewed about their homes and stores that are now gone. Literally. Therefore, their sadness is, in a way, our sadness.

I also had the strange notion today that if (god forbid) some one had died in this fire, we would know better what to do to cope with these feelings. We would bring flowers, set up makeshift memorials, write letters filled with wishes and memories and place them at the site of the tragedy. Basically, we would grieve.

But I don't really know how to grieve this fire.



image by JL1967 from www.torontoist.com